


The Void Behind My Face

by bebezord



Category: Community (TV), Weezer (Band)
Genre: Daddy Issues, Gen, Pinkerton - Freeform, blue album, jeff winger has daddy issues, so of course he likes, this is not a jeff/rivers fic, weezer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:21:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25079044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bebezord/pseuds/bebezord
Summary: Jeff Winger listens to someone sincere for the first time. He doesn't really know how to react to that.
Kudos: 3





	The Void Behind My Face

**Author's Note:**

> just to be clear: I'm a weezer centrist. I like both their new and old stuff. *everyone boos me and rotten fruit at me* *i swallow it all without even biting*
> 
> Jeff's a purist, though.

\- Oh, yeah, I love weezer too. - He had no idea what that was.   
\- Really? Are you going to their concert?  
\- Totally!  
\- I think I'm gonna go but my friends don't really wanna go. Could I get a ride?

Jackpot! He finally had plans for the weekend! With the Winger Charm (patent pending), getting girls was easy. At 23, Jeff was living alone and just “figuring himself out”, as he would say, even though he knew he was just biding time until he became a lawyer. 

\- Have you listened to pinkerton?   
\- Is that another band?  
\- No, silly! It’s their new album!  
\- Oh! Yeah, I was just kidding. I haven’t been to the store yet, wanna go with me?  
\- Yeah!

She didn’t want to listen to it with Jeff, saying that should be an “introspective experience”. He didn’t get it, but he let her be. It looked weird, but listening to an album wouldn’t be a huge sacrifice for a girl. “Tired of sex? God I wish that were me”, he thought, buying it and going home. He let it play while he cleaned his apartment.

When Butterfly ended, Jeff had mixed feelings about it. Its sincerity was something powerful and terrifying – he spent his whole life trying to hide his true self and here was this dude saying he wanted to fuck a Japanese teenager who sent him fan mail? Saying he’s afraid of women? Screaming about his mommy issues – and all of this is a very non appealing way? Everything was raw and open and Jeff was standing with his pile of newly cleaned dishes almost crying. It all made him a bit angry. He couldn’t cry in front of other people and felt like there was an audience. 

But who? No one was there. It was nine PM. He felt pathetic and overwhelmed and tired. It’s just music. It’s just music. It’s just music. How did that guy do it, though? Just letting it out in the open like that? Just… saying things? From his heart? Were they from his heart? Were women into honesty now? Were broken men in style?

He wished he had friends he could talk with this about. Real friends, not a girl he met just now. Someone he could say “hey, I just had a really weird experience and I don’t know how I should feel about it. Can you help me?” 

Wait, was he wanting to ask for help? Helping in sorting his own feelings out? What the fuck? 

He went to bed after drinking a bottle of scotch. “How am I going to their concert with Amanda? Is her name Amanda? I have to go. I’m never gonna see her again after that, but I have to go.” He started the cd in his discman again. “Why do I still like listening to it, if it makes me feel shitty? Why do I have so many questions? Why am I sure that I’ll buy the deluxe version and any other album Weezer has and will put out?”

Jeff went to the store the next day.

Jeff Winger cried, in his house, while listening to Say It Ain’t So in a loop.

And In the Garage, Butterfly, Long Time Sunshine, The Good Life. He couldn’t stop.

It was a cathartic moment: he spent so many years repressing emotions without an outlet, and now he finally found a way to let it out. It was crazy how he was sober, screaming, crying on the floor, coming undone to this music he just now discovered. He couldn’t listen to it without feeling a powerful emotion, but he still wouldn’t cry in front of other people. 

And to think he’d see them the next day! With a girl! That didn’t know anything about this whole situation! 

Jeff did everything to look like he hasn’t been crying and got on his car to pick her up.

\- Hey Jeff!  
\- Hey! …Amanda!  
\- So, are you excited?  
\- Yeah!  
\- Did you like Pinkerton?  
\- Yeah! A lot, actually.  
\- Really? I thought it was such a disappointment!

What.

\- How come? – his voice cracked.  
\- I don’t know, it sounded kinda… desperate? Like, it’s weird to listen to someone saying how he wants to stalk someone, you know?  
\- Yeah, but it’s what he really feels.  
\- Yeah, I know, but take “Tired of Sex”, for example. The whole album feels like someone rubbing in your face that they have everything they want but still aren’t happy. Isn’t it a bit disheartening?   
\- Hum…   
\- Also it’s got a real creepy vibe, to be honest.  
\- He was just being sincere! That’s what he really feels! Sometimes, people do have everything they want but it’s not what they need to be happy! And sometimes, what we really think might be creepy, but we don’t say it, because we’re scared. And I feel like great music sometimes should talk about the ugly parts of ourselves, including the weird fetishes and the daddy issues! Because, let’s be honest, why would we be weezer fans if we didn’t have daddy issues?

They were silent. Jeff may have raised his voice a little too much. They got to the venue and got out of the car.

\- Look, I’m sorry. I have to be honest with you.   
\- Oh, no, it’s okay.  
\- No, really. I… I didn’t know about weezer until we talked. I lied when I said I liked them, and pinkerton was my first weezer album.  
\- I’m so sorry…  
\- Don’t be. Anyway, when I listened to it, it made me feel things I’ve never felt before. I’m a person who constantly lies and hides behind a mask, but this… this is the opposite. This is someone naked screaming for the world to accept him. And I’ve never seen anything like it. So that’s why I like pinkerton so much.  
\- Wow, Jeff, I had no idea…  
\- I also liked the blue album a lot, and I admit that one made me cry a lot more, because of my aforementioned daddy issues, but, you know…  
\- Yeah.  
\- Thank you.  
\- You’re welcome. – she said, and bowed a little.  
\- Just so I know, did this whole speech made me more attractive to you? I’m trying to figure out why they would make an album like this.  
\- It did! – she laughed. – You were pretty attractive before, though.  
\- This whole honesty thing is so hard. I don’t know if I’m gonna keep doing that.  
\- It’s so much easier to cake our whole personalities in eight layers of irony, right?  
\- Yeah.

They were waiting for the show to begin, almost in the front row.

\- Will you be embarrassed if I cry?  
\- Absolutely not.   
\- I don’t know if I can, though. Like, in front of people.  
\- It’s okay. Don’t worry.   
\- I wonder what their next album will be about.  
\- I hope it’s not as sincere.  
\- I hope it’s sincere-er.

They laughed. Weezer got in on stage. Everyone screamed.

Jeff cried.


End file.
